Published April 13, 2007
I thought of this in like two minutes, so it is.. well, I don't care. (lol)
The old carving on my school desk, is imprinting in my arm,
It says "Your Dead" but it does no harm.
My eyes are closing, a whole new world to see,
Purple skies, orange grass, and the voice of Mr. D.
A tap on my shoulder, I wake up startled to see,
My Seventh grade math teacher, Mr. Donnely.
"You've drifted away from my math class,
stay awake or you'll never pass!"
I sigh, but don't give him any sass,
Social Studies is a great opportunity,
to go back to the world with purple skies and orange grass.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,690 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
Tis a great concept...but it lacks a great rhyming pattern.
1.The old carving on my school desk, is imprinting in my arm,
It says "Your Dead" but it does no harm.
*Funny line. The second part isn't really long enough to flow right with the first though, so it reads awkward. Try making it a bit longer?
2.You've drifted away from my math class,
stay awake or you'll never pass!"
I sigh, but don't give him any sass,
Social Studies is a great opportunity,
to go back to the world with purple skies and orange grass.
*This whole ending sort of reads funny. I think it's because of the last couple of lines, they have the same rhyming pattern as the one before them and it takes me off guard. Try to add a little more variety.
Keep at it!
~Rieda
argh! so many spelling errors I missed! *smacks forehead*